REVENGE of the Mutant Car!!!
by METMA Mandy
Summary: co-written by thelonelytaco. the poor little squished flying car gets revenge on Harry and Ron for crashing it...death, mayhem, and humor follow!! (some v/n voldie/narcissa ^-^) METMA ROX!


Disclaimer: We don't own Simpsons or HP. We do own a mountain of sugar, which is too much for one man. *sigh*  
  
A/N: This was co-written by thelonelytaco and I (Two members of METMA--WHOOO!) when we were SUPER DUPER HYYYYPPERR! so its going to be messed up. just so you know. well, enjoy!  
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*Harry, Ron, and Hermione have just walked off the Hogwarts Express and are making their way up the path to the castle. Everything is absoutely normal: Harry's nose has a bugger hangin outa it, Hermione's hair looks like the bride of Frankenstein, and Ron is wearing rainbow suspenders (what, you never thought he did???). when suddenly......   
  
Hermione *shivers* I just had a really weird feeling  
  
Harry: What, with the dementors and all?  
  
Hermione: I dunno  
  
Ron: *sarcastically* Oh, weird feelings, that's never happened.  
  
Narrator: But little did they know that some strange occurance was happening by the Whomping Willow....*the sound of an engine vrooming echoes through out the forest, unheard by anyone*  
  
Harry: Whoa...my scar just started hurting!!!  
  
Ron and Hermione: ACK! NOOOO!! *Hermione starts foaming at the mouth, and Ron's eyes roll back into his head*  
  
Harry: Not THAT scar, you idiots! The one I got when Ron and I crashed the Whomping Willow with the Flying Car.  
  
Ron: Oh...  
  
Hermione: *stops foaming at the mouth* I'm sure it's just another hangover..  
  
Ron *laughs* Yeah  
  
*Somewhere in the woods, pieces of a car start to float up in the air from all over the woods. They fly write up infront of the Whomping Willow and reassmeble into a beat up car*  
  
Car: VRRROOOOOOOOOOM!!!   
  
*Hermione, Ron, and Harry slooooowwly turn around.*  
  
Harry: It couldn't be....  
  
Ron: It is......got the warpaint and everything.....  
  
Both: RUNN!!!   
  
Hermione: What's going on?? *starts reading "A Guide to Messed-up Wizard Teenagers" and is promptly run over by the mad, raving, completely evil flying car* Ron.. I love....uhhhh........  
  
Ron: Nooooooooooo *kneels over hermione and sobs* Why my love?!?!  
  
Harry: Stop being a faggot..... *cringes* I bet Sirius-  
  
Evil Car: Vrrrrroooooooooom!  
  
Harry: Run!!!!!  
  
Evil Car *chases Harry and Ron into the woods*   
  
Evil Car: I am back from beyond the grave to torture you for what you did to me!! *flutters eyelashes seductively* Brittany Spears did my makeup!!  
  
Ron: Well, that explains a lot! *stares at the evil flying car. It looks even more evil than one would expect considering it is plastered with 5 inches of ExtraStrength HoBlush (Brittany's brand).   
  
Flying Car: SHUTUP! You go squish now!   
  
*Suddenly, Bane , the cenetaur from the 1st book, and a few of his friends walk in the picture.  
  
Bane: OMG It's Britany Spears> I worship you! *other cenetaurs do same thing* Can I have your autog-AHHHHG!  
  
Car *runs over the cenetaurs* MWAAhAHAHAHA  
  
Ron: Oh my god, it's laughing evily!  
  
Harry *pulls out wand, but car make it levitate to the whompinhg willow*  
  
Car: Now your wand will have the same fate as me... and so will you!!!! *starts laughing evilly until he starts wheezing* WHoa...I REALLY shouldn't be eating all those centaurs....  
  
Ron: *suddenly curious* Do they taste really good?  
  
Harry: RON, THIS IS NOT THE TIME!   
  
Both: *start screaming as they stare into the make-up covered, drooling, smelling-of-cheap-perfume competely evil car's headlights*  
  
*2 Figures fall out of the backseat of the car*  
  
Ron: Oh my god, Narcissa Malfoy!  
  
Harry: And Voldemort?!?!?!  
  
Draco *sneaks up on Harry to play a mean trick, but ends up being distracted* MOM!!!!! Cool, your fu*king with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! *stares up in awe*   
  
Voldemort: Shut up, you buttpipe. It's Voldemort. V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T. Get it right! *turns Draco into Pikachu*  
  
Evil Car: *gobbles up Pikachu* Burp....  
  
Harry: *leers at aforementioned naked peoples*  
  
Ron: *turns beet red, then remembers the evil car is trying to kill them* Harrrryy.... stop staring, you've got a Playwizard in your trunk!! Now we've got to escape!  
  
Harry: *ish very embarrassed as Narcissa and Voldemort stare at him* Maybe I could joi-  
  
Ron: No..  
  
Narcissa: Hey not a bad idea! *grins hornily*  
  
Car: Okay this is just too nasty! *runs over Narcissa and Voldemort and kills em with a lovely SPLAT*  
  
Harry: Phew, now I don't have that destiny to fufill!  
  
Evil Car: *turns on Harry and Ron* Now, I will kill you. And if I don't, the AIR POLLUTION from my nasty diesel engine will! *laughs manically*  
  
Ron: SHEIEIET! hmmmm.... *grabs what's left of voldemort and covers mouth with it* THERE! HA!   
  
Harry: Ew...Ron, you don't know where that's been!  
  
Ron: Mmm....Dark Lord....*Homer Simpson-like drool*  
  
Car: Okay! YOU KNOW WHAT? Screw killing you guys... I want some action. *humps Hermione's dead body*  
  
Snape *runs over* GET OFF MY HERMIONE! *shoots car with bazooka. The car isn't dead, but just a bit charred and turned over*  
  
Ron: Your Hermione???  
  
Snape: Right, she slept with me!  
  
Ron: No, Me!  
  
Dumbledore: *walks up* No, Hermione slept with me!  
  
Ms. Norris: She slept with me... I mean *meow*  
  
Filch: Mrs. Norris! NOOOO!!  
  
Sirius *hops out of a tree* She did me!  
  
Whomping Willow: uh, no ME!!!  
  
Sirius: How can she do a tree?  
  
Willow: Things must be left untold!  
  
Harry *gasps* Hermione... a hooker??!?  
  
All: *roll eyes* well, duh....you mean you never got any?  
  
Harry: *cries* she said.....she said...she was saving herself for marriage!!!!  
  
Ron: And you believed that? GEEZ!  
  
Evil Car: *stops humping dead Hermione for a sec* Gosh! Maybe I should kill you after all! *mutters darkly about abysmally stupid teenage guys*  
  
Dumbledore: NOO!! If you kill Harry, how will I spend my Wednesday nights?  
  
Harry: *turns red* I thought we agreed that never happened...*stomps on foot* REMEMBER, Headmaster?  
  
Dumbledore: Oh, riiiiiiiight. Oh Harry, while we're talking, remember that time I told you that I saw a pair of socks in the Mirror of Erised? Well, I wasn't being quite honest....  
  
Harry: Yeah, I kinda guessed that.  
  
Dumbledore: I saw you in a pair of socks....only a pair of socks.  
  
Harry: *giggles like a schoolgirl*  
  
Ron: Dude, I still can't believe you never got any from Hermione.  
  
Harry: Drop it you poor piece of crap! *ron's jaw drops*  
  
Ron: Harry...  
  
Car: Okay this is sooooo Days Of Our Lives... *suddenly, Homer Simpson walks in*  
  
Homer: D'oh. No Quick-E-Mart here... *leaves, after a quick cameo*  
  
Snape: That was wierd... who wants a chocolate dog?  
  
Car *stops humping hermione* ME ME ME ME ME  
  
Harry: Did you say...chocolate.....dog?? *eyes bug out*  
  
Snape: *suddenly shifty-eyed* Um...no, i said chocolate frog, how silly of me!  
  
Ron: Hey, everybody, where'd Sirius go?  
  
Harry: *suddenly understands* WHY YOU LITTLE!  
  
Snape: Eep.  
  
*Harry proceeds to chase Snape, Ron decides that he liked Parvati better then hermoine and takes her to the movies, Dumbledore strips down to his wool socks, Ms Norris goes and marries clitus the slack jawed yokel, and Filch kills himself. We then see the car stop humpin herminone and turn to us*  
  
Car *sings* And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world.  
******  
  
A/N: HEEHEE! We are SOOO funny! (AND HYPER) WHEW! Now review, or the ebil car will attack you and start belting out Brittany Spears...HAHAHHA!!! *evilly laughs*


End file.
